ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

O.k people, if you already felt sorry for my family, get this. Brandon has Pneumonia!!! Seriously! Can this be happening? Presley is still recovering and doing well but still has a sinus infection. Conner is rounding out his 20th day on antibiotics for a sinus infection, thank goodness he was on them when all the others got sick. It takes him a full month of antibiotics and steroids to clear just a sinus infection. Pneumonia would have AT LEAST put him in the hospital. And yes Taylor has a sinus infection and the flu. Isn't that why we get flu shots? I swear every year I get a shot, I get the flu, every year. I know the vaccine only covers certain strands, but come on, every year? Next year I'm going without. Yes I have a cold too, but someone has to take care of all these sick helpless people, so that means me. It was a unanimous vote, by far. So, if you were already feeling sorry, feel even more. Gosh I can't wait for warm weather, I'm so sick of germs and having to be in the house stuck with them!

EXHAUSTION

Well, I truly have felt like I have been in a state of exhaustion lately. I am sooo tired, I can't sleep, which doesn't help the tiredness, I am always nauseated, probably from the lack of sleep, and If I eat, I vomit, from the nausea. vicious cycle. I have also been having back problems. I have had four shots of steroids, yes it hurts, they shoot those right into the muscle that is already killing you. And muscle relaxers have not phased me, so now I get to have physical therapy, but of course when I called to set up the appointment they are booked out the for the next five weeks. Is that humane? Five more weeks of horrible back pain with nothing to relieve it? Once again, vicious cycle.

My Little Presley has had a semi cold for a while, you know the usual runny nose, teething thing. Well I did the normal routine; ran the humidifier, Tylenol, cuddles and kisses and waited it out. A couple days ago I herd her hacking up a lung in the middle of the night. I went and got her, and recognized the cough, but dismissed it, until in the morning when she started up the cough again. I was right with the recognition, I was convinced it was croup, she has had it before. I ran the humidifier again and called the doctor. Of course they were booked, and the last thing on my list that day was the walk in clinic. Well after her nap, which was short she felt so warm to me so I took her temp, 103.1 I called the doctor again and they told me to take her to the walk in NOW. So, I cancelled everything and went in. Of course the walk in wait time was over an hour, doesn't surprise me. I waited exactly over an hour and finally we got her in. After Chest x-ray's the doctor confirmed; Pneumonia. What? I asked him, all of this just came on, today, besides the runny nose, which I thought was teething. They gave her a shot, strong antibiotic, and sent us home with more liquid antibiotics.

Well, Presley is my spitter, no matter how much I fought her, she spit. I disguised it in food, juice, milk, pudding, yogurt, everything. No take. I called the pharmacy and asked for some suggestions. They told me to put it in chocolate milk cause the chocolate masks the taste the best, but then of course you have to get her to drink the whole thing or you don't know how much of the antibiotic she got. Well, tried it, she took one sip, and threw it on the floor, looked at me in disgust, and said NO. NO JUICE. She calls every drink juice. Well, it was late of course, all that time at the walk in. So i put her to bed, ran the humidifier and called the doc in the morning. The doc looked at the x-ray over the phone, took into consideration her fever was still over 102 and she was spitting all her meds, even the Tylenol, and told me to bring her in now. So once again, I cancelled two hair appointments, a sinus CT, an IEP meeting at the school, and headed in around ten. Got in got the usual work up, confirmed the pneumonia was junking up her lungs more and she spit all the meds they tried to give her. So next step was hydration. Now, many of you know I have been in the medical industry for 4 weeks shy of 8 years, but this day was horrific. I have been through much more trauma with Conner, but he is chronically ill, so I have done it many many times; you get use to it. Not the terror you feel from watching your child in pain, I will feel that the rest of my life, but you get use to the fact that this is chronic and I have to stay strong. My little Presley has never tested my emotions in this area. Of course she screams as soon as the nurse puts her gloves on. I had to pin her down, why do they make the mom do this?, I will not go into detail, because this post would go forever, but they tried FOUR times! And the whole time she screamed daddy. Of course I cried, it's just horrible to have to pin a child to a bed and watch them look at you with frightened eyes, screaming for you, and to not be able to do a thing. After FIVE tries I told them they needed to let her rest. She instantly fell asleep, so exhausted. Meanwhile I called Brandon, he was in town with work, and I told him the story and he needed to come for her, she wanted him. So covered in cow poop, he came, just like a night in shinning armor. As soon as he walked in, Presley woke up, balled daddy and lunged for him. Well not too long after his arrival they vowed they needed to get the iv in. I stepped outside with Taylor, who was tired of the screaming and waited. Another HALF HOUR of screaming passed! I went to the doctor and asked her just how long they intended to try this it was becoming inhumane. She assured me they needed to get it in, hydrate her and get the antibiotic in to attack the pneumonia. I waited again. Finally!!!! The iv was in. after reentering the room, it was brought to my attention they had tried two more times, SIX times people, SIX. And An hour and a half to do it! Ridiculous. Presley lunged for me this time, which made me feel a little better, and I just held her. Propped over my shoulder, she fell asleep. The nurse informed my the fluids would take two hours to run in, of course.

I then had to have brandon check conner out of school and take him back to work with him because he had no ride, and taylor stayed with me.

Well we got the first bag in and hung the second. The nurse told me she was putting the antibiotic in this bag, now that she was semi hydrated it would work better. Not ten minutes after, Presley awoke screaming. I tried for twenty minutes to calm her down, no luck. I looked at her arm and it looked a little swollen. I grabbed the nurse and told her and she just said, it's o.k. the tape just looks tight cause they have to secure it good, but she didn't physically look at her arm. I continually tried to console her, but could not. And of course everyone who walked by or in, we were in the trauma room, looked at me like I couldn't control my kid. I knew something was wrong with her arm, I looked again and it was HUGE, the tape was cutting into her arm on both ends, and I turned her arm over and there was this HUGE bubble in her arm, it looked like her arm was gonna pop. It was really discolored too. I yelled for the nurse and made her look at the arm and stated the was not just a tight tape issue. She looked a the arm, gasped, ran out of the room and returned with the doctor. The doctor immediately removed the IV, meanwhile the nurse apologized for not looking at the arm to make sure the iv was properly placed. I love this nurse, she is always so good to me, but I was mad at the situation. The doctor stated that the vein was blown, duh, and all that fluid was just being pumped into her arm, causing it to swell. well, it was so swollen cause the tape on both ends of her arm was trapping the fluid in between her wrist and about two inches from her elbow. After they de-taped her which was another scream fest, her arm looked horrible. I was then informed of some super duper news. because they had just put the antibiotic in and they had to stop the iv, they would have to give her a shot, yes a shot. So not only a shot from the night before, six shots covering her arms and hands, we got to add another one to her leg. I was pissed.

So, after five and a half hours in the trauma room, I packed up my poor Presley and Taylor and headed to the pharmacy where I was told my prescription of another antibiotic would be waiting cause they faxed it an hour ago. Yep, you guessed it, no fax, no prescription. So, I parked myself in the waiting room and waited a half hour for the fax, and another half hour for the meds. Yes, that's six and a half hours now in the clinic. which also seemed longer because Taylor chose to lay on a waiting room table kicking and crying because I couldn't get her a drink of milk. I explained they did not sell those in the pop machine, but she didn't by it. 20 month old crying in pain on shoulder, four year old crying and kicking on table in crowded waiting room; exhausted, upset mom.

Oh. I almost forgot. before I left, the doctor pulled me aside and told me I needed to watch her arm like a hawk. If there was any redness at the site, or any red streaks, take her to the ER immediately. I inquired of course. So happens when that much fluid is trapped in a small spot for that long, it is a breeding ground for infection, a serious one.

I headed home with her wrapped up in a blanket cause her arm was so swollen I couldn't get her coat on. I tried to give her her meds last night, she threw them up, and spit. I tried to give her ibuprofen to bring her fever down, spit. held her down, threw it up. I held her a long time, she slept with me for a while during the night and this morning. I tried to give her her meds today, spit. Thought I would mix it up and use a spoon instead of a syringe. she swung at me and knocked it all over the floor. This antibiotic in particular is very concentrated so she only gets three doses, making it easier on both of us. well, one dose just ended up on the floor, I retrieved another dose, inhumanely held her down and forced her to take it, and she threw up. So two doses gone one left and the first day. Now it is a weekend, no more shots, not enough antibiotic, still a fever, still crying, still on my shoulder. I bet i know where I'll end up this weekend, and if for some reason we don't go to the ER, I have to call monday to state the loss of the antibiotic and I'm sure they'll have me bring her in for another shot. Horrific.

So to sum it all up, as if this wasn't a long post anyway. Six times for iv, Seven hours by the time I got home. Huge swollen infant arm, shots, fever, vomit, spitting, no antibiotic left, because of the spitting and vomiting, no sleep, no eating , little drinking, dehydration, poor poor helpless baby, still propped over my shoulder. Two days of horrific experiences to provide no medical care significant enough to attack the pneumonia, threat of hospitalization, call on monday, possible ER visit before monday, and now a serious infection to worry about.

I would post pics, but one you don't want to see my face and two, my baby is still crying over my shoulder. i feel it would be inhumane to photo her now.

EXHAUSTION, for everyone.

DUM - DUM

Why is it that the only time you turn your back for something, like a must something, answering the phone, bathroom break, switching the laundry, doorbell, important things of life; why is it at these small moments my children choose to put their escape plan into speed mode and get into trouble? I mean honestly they must be planning and planning and then holding that thought for the precise moment mom turns her back, not on the children, but for such as those things of life. My little curly cue is the planner and the expediter, of such plans as these.

I of course hid the bag of dum-dum's but I have been figured out again, because all the things I seem to hide, are the ones that get found, imagine that. Yes, Presley and all her sweetness found my suckers, and by the time I returned from my "important" thing, which was not long, she had tested about twelve suckers, most of them stuck to the floor now.I couldn't help but laugh as I watched her taste one, throw it on the floor and dig for another. I guess she just couldn't decide which flavor she liked, and thanks to the manufacturer of the super sticky Dum-Dum, she had MANY to taste, just so many flavors. Of course she was a super sticky mess, and required a bath. And after the bath when I was adding one more thing to my list of tasks for the day, while I was scrubbing the floor, by hand, because the mop couldn't get the massive circle of stick off, I began to realize why they call them Dum-Dums. Not for just a unique name, but so importantly called that for the mom that put them within child's reach. DUM-DUM.

Also, for all you fitness fanatics out there, my dear husband bought this membership at the college on a silent auction. He payed forty dollars for it. It is a FREE 3 month membership to 123 fit. It includes personal trainer. For new members only. I would soooo love to use this, but my husband/student is never home, and when he is, he has to study. I cannot use it during the day because they don't have a daycare. And after I put the kids down to bed, I'm tired and one more trip into town is a waste of gas for me way out here in the country. So sadly, I am looking for someone who would like to purchase this pass. forty dollars is a great deal for 3 months, and no membership fee. If anyone is interested, let me know. Happy Exercising!

STAND

Lately I have been thinking a lot, about alot of things, and recently I spoke to a friend about troubles, life, giggles, hard times good times, and how we seem to get through everyday life, no matter what comes our way. Some times we deal with life in reasons we are not sure of and sometimes we are sure we are doing everything right. This blog thing is great for journaling, and i want to look back on this some day and read not only milestones of my kids and life, but how I get from one spot to another, sometimes it's quick, and sometimes it's slow. Being a parent is fun, joyous, hard and sorrowful at times. I never thought I would have to grieve about my children the way i do. I guess before you begin you don't truly realize how much you will truly love and bond and protect your children. of course I new those things would happen, but to what extent, i have underestimated. I truly feel like a lioness on the discovery channel protecting her cubs at all cost. Not just with my kids and trials at home, but friends, family, aquaintences, myself, it all feels like a constant circle of protection. I feel for those without family and friends. we all need them and it can deteriorate ourselves to not have them. I know at times life has been hard for me, trials have been tough, still are. People come and go. some are meant to stay and some are meant to help us and move on. I think one of my new years resolutions, yes i know it's almost february, but I have decided to help recognize all the people who come into my life, even just for a short time. I have people, complete strangers, come into my life and not quite understand why, only for years later to feel the effects of that situation.

Some of you that know me well, hopefully some of you do, know i really love music, lyrics in particular. I relate life to music. New song came to my life lately and i just love it. Sorry for all you country haters, but it's Rascal Flatts; STAND. After talking to my friend, this song really hit home for me.

'Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you Stand

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given, before it's gone
And start holdin on, keep holdin on

Everytime you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place

Then you stand

I like this song because it helps me to know that it doesn't matter how many times we are down, sometimes we fall, sometimes we're kicked, whatever, but we always have the option to stand. These are only a few of the reasons I stand. But some of the most important ones as well.

For perhaps my children, grandchildren, or who ever else is interested in my life when I'm old and retired from it and it's time to go home, I want them to know why I stood, why I stand. These are the reasons I Stand.

ALL GROWN UP

My baby has grown up, as so many of us mothers say. Presley was tired of her little chair we had her in ( the ones you hook to the table) and her little legs were definitely getting to big, so we started putting her up in a big chair. she loves it.
From the time Presley was eating solids, unless she gets to feed herself, she doesn't eat. Still that way. She definitely makes a mess, but what 18 month old doesn't right? Oatmeal is her thing right now, and just my favorite thing to clean up. I can't stand that maple syrup smell that just seems to linger around everytime we have pancakes, and the maple oatmeal is just the same.
Most of the time she gets a bath immediately following breakfast because the amount that ends up on her clothes, hair, and pj's opposed to her belly is phenomenal. But hey, she can't help that she has big hair, so that one is to be expected. Sometimes I wonder if she actually got full, but she seems to thrive al right, so I guess we're good.

It is so fun that they make little spoons for little people so they can do it all by themselves. I wish someone would invent an easier way to clean up the sticky gooey messes, but I guess soap, water, and a rag is all that has evolved. I bought one of those bibs that catch all the food they drip in the bottom of the bib, but cleaning that pool out was worse for me than just pulling off the jammies and dunking her into the tub. mostly because they don't have a special bib for little girls with big hair. It was funny though because when she was done eating we would get her down and her little legs would be so asleep from sitting on them that she couldn't put them down to walk, poor thing. So as soon as it was official she was going to be a big kid chair eater, we purchased another chair, and a booster. She still has to feed herself, she still likes oatmeal, the maple kind, she still wears most of it, and she still requires a bath. So basically from this growth period we have only emptied our wallet for a new chair for the table and emptied again for the booster, and still have to clean up the same mess, but for Presley and her Independence,

Priceless.

THE BOX

So Christmas time has come and gone, and all the new arrivals sit in their correct spots collecting dust, because why? Well, because of the box.

It all started with a small set of crayons. Three crayons for each little box color er.Conner was definitely the instigator of this art project. He is my artist, my little Mr. detail. He is very good at what he does too, if any of you have seen a drawing of an airplane or tractor by the artist, you would agree. I hope he is the next Vincent Van Gogh.Taylor soon jumped in on the fun, and she is my ms. colorful, making sure all the crayons are used and the colors are uniquely spread throughout. Maybe she'll be into fashion?Presley, my little ms. destruct-o lately, tried to color, but she was more interested in destroying the box. They finally convinced her to play inside the box and that is where she remained, for a very long time. Her fate is yet to be decided. Maybe she'll help people stay put with things, finances, counseling, who knows. Help people realize where they are at in life is just o.k. ? We'll see.After the box was covered in unique scenery, a flashlight was retrieved and the fun began inside the box, imagine that. I'm glad we had a big box to fit everyone in, taking turns would have been out of the question.So here are my little one's box. Yep a box. Equipped with air holes so they could breathe while inside the box, of course a definite necessity. Let me clarify; this is NOT a new Christmas present, or something i payed for, it's a box. Our new found friend was created about a week ago, and per request of the tantrums that were thrown when I moved the box, here it resides, in my living room, a week later going on strong, a box.

I think next year I will purchase three brand new boxes, wrap them each with a set of crayons, and stuff them under the tree.

CHRISTMAS

Christmas is just one of those holidays i can't decide if i truly enjoy. I love to see family, make good food, and watch those very exciting creations that the kids bring home from school, but as soon as the Christmas season is here, i can't help but think how many people do not get to have Christmas. I am one of those that think there are too many gifts, too many parties, too much laughter. I am one of those that think there is too much sorrow for some, too much hype, too little giving, and too little recognition of what Christmas is all about. I tried hard this year to really concentrate on the true meaning of Christmas. A family tradition of my families, that I have extended to Brandon and I and our kids is the gift of giving. Every year we try to help others have a better Christmas season, it isn't much, but we try. One year we gave clothing to some kids in much need, with a holiday meal. another year we did the twelve days of Christmas to a family in need. Last year we bought warm articles of clothing and tried to give them to our "homeless" man. many of you know who he is. He refused my gifts, which made me sad, but i felt good for trying. So then I bought him a meal at MC Donald's without him knowing and had the worker deliver it to him as i left. He smiled, and sat and ate it. best gift i have witnessed in a long time. a smile from someone in need. Most of the time we give things discreetly, but this was a bitter sweet moment for me, to see the gratitude from a receiver. Last year the kids and I also took names off of the moses lake clinic tree and bought gifts for some kids. My kids had so much fun going to the store and choosing things and then dropping them off, just as Santa would do. They had a blast. This year we also helped a family in need. These are the things I thrive on during this season, but i just can't help but think it's not enough. I love the look of snow, from the inside of my house, I love hot chocolate, I love dressing up for parties, I love Christmas food, I love lights, trees and, mangers. I just tend to have a dampened spirit about the need in this world that so many forget, or feel they can't make a difference. I guess I love the true meaning of Christmas, but am saddened by the way we celebrate it. It's just a catch 22 with me.

Anyway, We decided to spend Christmas with family in Utah this year. Wow, what a drive. It was a blizzard! We left at 6:30 Sunday morning, and did not arrive until 1:00 a.m. the next morning! It was horrible. We had to go about 45 mph basically the whole way. I think we got above 55 for about half hour at one point, but that's all. We kept having to pull over and try to unfreeze the wiper fluid, cause the pump would freeze and we couldn't get fluid out to wipe our windshield. There were sooooo many people off the side of the road, and several rollovers. To say the least, it was traumatic, especially for the kids. But we all did arrive safe and sound, just not very pleasant until we slept a few hours.

Here are the kids with Grandma Beyeler, Grandma LU for short.

Me and My Grandma, I just love her, she is so full of life. She just goes and goes. I lost my Grandfather several years ago, and I still remember so much about him and how much I miss him. This year I truly reflected on eternal families.

We enjoyed seeing all our relatives. I saw cousins I have not seen in 8 years. and I enjoyed seeing my grandparents. Each time I see them is precious, life is so short.

Here is my grandma Betty and grandpa Kent. I love them so much too. It is always a blessing to get together with my grandparents, from both sides, I have been lucky to have grown up with them.

We also took the kiddos down to temple square one night. we had been out to eat and weren't sure if the kids would last because we took them to a mini carnival all day, but we drug them through and they were amazed at what they saw.

Conner's first request was to see the conference center. We have never seen the inside since it was completed, and he was amazed. We were ten minutes too late for the last tour of the evening, maybe next time. We headed to the tabernacle next, and it was all set up for the Christmas session on Sunday. We sat there for a long time and then when we told Conner it was time to move on he said." Well, we have to wait for them to sing." Poor thing thought the choir was going to come out and sing.

We took them over through the lights, and it was freezing cold, but somehow the atmosphere seems to distract you. We caught this picture of Conner and Taylor in front of the temple. Taylor asked me if that was the castle I got married in. I told her yes, and she said one day she would get married in that castle too. Innocent and sweet are the little ones.

I have more photos of our trip and will post them as soon as I retrieve them all. We had a good trip all in all. Cousins played, adults laughed, and families gathered. Christmas.