EXHAUSTION

Well, I truly have felt like I have been in a state of exhaustion lately. I am sooo tired, I can't sleep, which doesn't help the tiredness, I am always nauseated, probably from the lack of sleep, and If I eat, I vomit, from the nausea. vicious cycle. I have also been having back problems. I have had four shots of steroids, yes it hurts, they shoot those right into the muscle that is already killing you. And muscle relaxers have not phased me, so now I get to have physical therapy, but of course when I called to set up the appointment they are booked out the for the next five weeks. Is that humane? Five more weeks of horrible back pain with nothing to relieve it? Once again, vicious cycle.

My Little Presley has had a semi cold for a while, you know the usual runny nose, teething thing. Well I did the normal routine; ran the humidifier, Tylenol, cuddles and kisses and waited it out. A couple days ago I herd her hacking up a lung in the middle of the night. I went and got her, and recognized the cough, but dismissed it, until in the morning when she started up the cough again. I was right with the recognition, I was convinced it was croup, she has had it before. I ran the humidifier again and called the doctor. Of course they were booked, and the last thing on my list that day was the walk in clinic. Well after her nap, which was short she felt so warm to me so I took her temp, 103.1 I called the doctor again and they told me to take her to the walk in NOW. So, I cancelled everything and went in. Of course the walk in wait time was over an hour, doesn't surprise me. I waited exactly over an hour and finally we got her in. After Chest x-ray's the doctor confirmed; Pneumonia. What? I asked him, all of this just came on, today, besides the runny nose, which I thought was teething. They gave her a shot, strong antibiotic, and sent us home with more liquid antibiotics.

Well, Presley is my spitter, no matter how much I fought her, she spit. I disguised it in food, juice, milk, pudding, yogurt, everything. No take. I called the pharmacy and asked for some suggestions. They told me to put it in chocolate milk cause the chocolate masks the taste the best, but then of course you have to get her to drink the whole thing or you don't know how much of the antibiotic she got. Well, tried it, she took one sip, and threw it on the floor, looked at me in disgust, and said NO. NO JUICE. She calls every drink juice. Well, it was late of course, all that time at the walk in. So i put her to bed, ran the humidifier and called the doc in the morning. The doc looked at the x-ray over the phone, took into consideration her fever was still over 102 and she was spitting all her meds, even the Tylenol, and told me to bring her in now. So once again, I cancelled two hair appointments, a sinus CT, an IEP meeting at the school, and headed in around ten. Got in got the usual work up, confirmed the pneumonia was junking up her lungs more and she spit all the meds they tried to give her. So next step was hydration. Now, many of you know I have been in the medical industry for 4 weeks shy of 8 years, but this day was horrific. I have been through much more trauma with Conner, but he is chronically ill, so I have done it many many times; you get use to it. Not the terror you feel from watching your child in pain, I will feel that the rest of my life, but you get use to the fact that this is chronic and I have to stay strong. My little Presley has never tested my emotions in this area. Of course she screams as soon as the nurse puts her gloves on. I had to pin her down, why do they make the mom do this?, I will not go into detail, because this post would go forever, but they tried FOUR times! And the whole time she screamed daddy. Of course I cried, it's just horrible to have to pin a child to a bed and watch them look at you with frightened eyes, screaming for you, and to not be able to do a thing. After FIVE tries I told them they needed to let her rest. She instantly fell asleep, so exhausted. Meanwhile I called Brandon, he was in town with work, and I told him the story and he needed to come for her, she wanted him. So covered in cow poop, he came, just like a night in shinning armor. As soon as he walked in, Presley woke up, balled daddy and lunged for him. Well not too long after his arrival they vowed they needed to get the iv in. I stepped outside with Taylor, who was tired of the screaming and waited. Another HALF HOUR of screaming passed! I went to the doctor and asked her just how long they intended to try this it was becoming inhumane. She assured me they needed to get it in, hydrate her and get the antibiotic in to attack the pneumonia. I waited again. Finally!!!! The iv was in. after reentering the room, it was brought to my attention they had tried two more times, SIX times people, SIX. And An hour and a half to do it! Ridiculous. Presley lunged for me this time, which made me feel a little better, and I just held her. Propped over my shoulder, she fell asleep. The nurse informed my the fluids would take two hours to run in, of course.

I then had to have brandon check conner out of school and take him back to work with him because he had no ride, and taylor stayed with me.

Well we got the first bag in and hung the second. The nurse told me she was putting the antibiotic in this bag, now that she was semi hydrated it would work better. Not ten minutes after, Presley awoke screaming. I tried for twenty minutes to calm her down, no luck. I looked at her arm and it looked a little swollen. I grabbed the nurse and told her and she just said, it's o.k. the tape just looks tight cause they have to secure it good, but she didn't physically look at her arm. I continually tried to console her, but could not. And of course everyone who walked by or in, we were in the trauma room, looked at me like I couldn't control my kid. I knew something was wrong with her arm, I looked again and it was HUGE, the tape was cutting into her arm on both ends, and I turned her arm over and there was this HUGE bubble in her arm, it looked like her arm was gonna pop. It was really discolored too. I yelled for the nurse and made her look at the arm and stated the was not just a tight tape issue. She looked a the arm, gasped, ran out of the room and returned with the doctor. The doctor immediately removed the IV, meanwhile the nurse apologized for not looking at the arm to make sure the iv was properly placed. I love this nurse, she is always so good to me, but I was mad at the situation. The doctor stated that the vein was blown, duh, and all that fluid was just being pumped into her arm, causing it to swell. well, it was so swollen cause the tape on both ends of her arm was trapping the fluid in between her wrist and about two inches from her elbow. After they de-taped her which was another scream fest, her arm looked horrible. I was then informed of some super duper news. because they had just put the antibiotic in and they had to stop the iv, they would have to give her a shot, yes a shot. So not only a shot from the night before, six shots covering her arms and hands, we got to add another one to her leg. I was pissed.

So, after five and a half hours in the trauma room, I packed up my poor Presley and Taylor and headed to the pharmacy where I was told my prescription of another antibiotic would be waiting cause they faxed it an hour ago. Yep, you guessed it, no fax, no prescription. So, I parked myself in the waiting room and waited a half hour for the fax, and another half hour for the meds. Yes, that's six and a half hours now in the clinic. which also seemed longer because Taylor chose to lay on a waiting room table kicking and crying because I couldn't get her a drink of milk. I explained they did not sell those in the pop machine, but she didn't by it. 20 month old crying in pain on shoulder, four year old crying and kicking on table in crowded waiting room; exhausted, upset mom.

Oh. I almost forgot. before I left, the doctor pulled me aside and told me I needed to watch her arm like a hawk. If there was any redness at the site, or any red streaks, take her to the ER immediately. I inquired of course. So happens when that much fluid is trapped in a small spot for that long, it is a breeding ground for infection, a serious one.

I headed home with her wrapped up in a blanket cause her arm was so swollen I couldn't get her coat on. I tried to give her her meds last night, she threw them up, and spit. I tried to give her ibuprofen to bring her fever down, spit. held her down, threw it up. I held her a long time, she slept with me for a while during the night and this morning. I tried to give her her meds today, spit. Thought I would mix it up and use a spoon instead of a syringe. she swung at me and knocked it all over the floor. This antibiotic in particular is very concentrated so she only gets three doses, making it easier on both of us. well, one dose just ended up on the floor, I retrieved another dose, inhumanely held her down and forced her to take it, and she threw up. So two doses gone one left and the first day. Now it is a weekend, no more shots, not enough antibiotic, still a fever, still crying, still on my shoulder. I bet i know where I'll end up this weekend, and if for some reason we don't go to the ER, I have to call monday to state the loss of the antibiotic and I'm sure they'll have me bring her in for another shot. Horrific.

So to sum it all up, as if this wasn't a long post anyway. Six times for iv, Seven hours by the time I got home. Huge swollen infant arm, shots, fever, vomit, spitting, no antibiotic left, because of the spitting and vomiting, no sleep, no eating , little drinking, dehydration, poor poor helpless baby, still propped over my shoulder. Two days of horrific experiences to provide no medical care significant enough to attack the pneumonia, threat of hospitalization, call on monday, possible ER visit before monday, and now a serious infection to worry about.

I would post pics, but one you don't want to see my face and two, my baby is still crying over my shoulder. i feel it would be inhumane to photo her now.

EXHAUSTION, for everyone.