Lost

Well, I have been waiting and waiting hoping I would not have to Post about this...at least not this way. But I have come to terms, finally, that Squeegie is not coming home. Squeegie has been a part of our family for nine years. We bought her when she was just a baby and have raised her ever since. I was hoping that when I had to post about this it would be because she had gotten old and passed away. The old part she was, but she ran away. So much harder to deal with I think. Death is something we have to accept, it will happen to everyone at some point in time, but running away...who does that? I feel awful. W e actually thought we found her once, someone picked up a dog looked just like her. I went to see, but it was not her. Then we scoured the shelter. I sent Brandon in cause the kids wanted to see the other animals, and i was feeding the baby. He came out a bit later and said I had to go in because there was a dog in there and he honestly couldn't tell if it was her or not. I thought aww crap, I'm gonna come unglued in the shelter. So I went in, walked passed all the kennels with sad eyes until the very end where this dog was. It took me a while, I had to do some searching, but in the end I determined it was not her. She had been missing for a month and her hair would have been long and probably dirty, but this dog didn't make the annoying, but cute little squeal our Squeegie always made when she wanted ur attention. And then I had to walk away in tears. People probably thought I was a nut.

I still have a hard time thinking she is dead. We live in the open wide country. We drove up and down the frontage roads, the freeway, the canals..everywhere. I was hoping to find her, even if it was that she got hit, at least that would be closure for me, but we found nothing. Come dark we drove around with a big spotlight calling her name....nothing. Squeegie was a very smart dog. If she heard us calling, she would have come.

She has been gone for 8 weeks now. I'm thinking someone saw her running up the road and thought she didn't belong to anyone out in the country, not exactly a country dog. I'm thinking someone picked her up thinking she was dumped off. I'm thinking someone has her. I have searched the country, the newspaper, and the shelter many times. When do I stop? I keep thinking she is gonna turn up. The most awful thing is Gus, her companion, is distraught. He sulks, pouts, sleeps, won't eat, and still constantly sits by the door..waiting. And when he goes outside, he sits on the lawn and stares out the direction she ran. Poor thing. All the extra treats in the world haven't helped him snap out of it. So, for my emotional sake I'm going to try to convince myself she went for greener pastures to pass from this life....ya know there is a movie like that, the dog goes to a nice quiet, pritty place to die. Perhaps there was just so much commotion going on here. I'd want to die in peace too.

She was a great dog. The most obedient dog I have ever owned. She has been on plenty of journey's with us. over a dozen moves, three more kids added to the family, and lots of love. She earned her spot in the family that's for sure. We miss her. We love her. And we will always have a special place for her.